“You were not supposed to be their pawn. You fell for it. You let them use you.” Kamala Harris tells Susan Collins as they meet eyes in a hallway of the Capitol.
“I was not used.” Collins shot back.
“Yes, you were. And it is sad that you can not see how you were used.” Harris responds.
“I provided evidence for my position.” Says Collins.
“Then why did you exclude Kavanaugh’s lies in the hearing? Why did you exclude his self-serving, disrespectful, and insulting behavior, especially to the women who questioned him? And why did you condone a manipulated and truncated FBI report?” Harris asks.
Collins turns away and walks on. Lisa Murkowski walks up to her. They are face to face.
“Why, Susan? Why? You witnessed his lies and his entitled rage, his lack of integrity… Why?”
“I am uncomfortable with a woman who feels she is a victim, Lisa. I can’t believe Kavanaugh would do those things. He is a judge for god’s sake.”
Collins’ response is more staccato than usual. She then turns away and walks fast, ignoring her friend’s reaction.
“What is going on with Susan?” Kamala says as Lisa approaches her.
“She is upset and feels that the women’s ‘metoo’ movement has been trying to force her to support their cause. She is of the old school where women are supposed to be polite, and she can support them only if they act reasonably in the eyes of men. She still considers the opinion of men to be more valuable. And they know how to get to her.” Murkowski says.
She is signing on to the mindset of the White House-White Republican-Congressmen. She diminished the dignity and intelligence of Christine Blasey Ford, by backing up the false disparaging comments of the current White House and Republican Congressmen who view Christine to be a lost pitiful victim who foolishly doesn’t remember what she claims she does… “She is just a woman. It’s us men who know what really happened to her. We know better about what a woman should do with her own life… with her own thoughts… and with her own memories… and of course, with her own body.” That’s the way they think, Lisa. Harris adds.
You could be right, Kamala, especially after what I saw today. Susan has dismissed the crowd-funding campaign, calling it a “bribe,” and insists she wouldn’t give in to ‘quid pro quo fundraising’. But that is not what the fundraising is about. It is about how women are dismissed and denigrated by both men and other women. Women throughout history have had to have untold perseverance with an immovable will, to move beyond the attempts to dismiss their concerns… while mostly white chauvinistic men fake interest… as they run our country… and now our supreme court, the FBI, the Justice Department, and this all comes with a president who mocks women’s concerns and uses them as though they were nothing more than his play toys or something to discard. I could never say this to anyone on my side of the aisle.
Lisa, I will do everything I can to support you. You stood alone in your party. Heidi Heitkamp stood alone in ours. And I will always remember what the two of you have done. I will fight for both of you.
Einstein moves his awareness from this conversation… without knowing where he will be. He finds himself in a theater watching a scene in a movie in 2018, Tea with the Dames. The interviewer has asked Judi Dench, Maggie Smith, Eileen Atkins, and Joan Plowright, what they would want to tell their younger selves.
Judi Dench tears up… pauses… and then says with a silenced quiver.
“I would have told her (younger self) not to fall in love so easily.”
The tenderness and innocence of Judi’s soul… stills itself into a silent hush… as her tears fill her eyes. The other three women… move on to talk about other subjects… Einstein understood. Perhaps they could not bear to feel this depth of pain… the pain of love’s hurt and disappointment.
Einstein can not move. The pain of love has stopped his thoughts dead. His feelings are so raw, he feels they will melt him into a forgotten pool nowhere to be found.
He also feels something on the other side of the pain of love. It is sorrow… gut-wrenching grief… pain that seems to have a life of its own… for what has been done to the feminine in the world. He can feel the wounded feminine in every woman and man… and in his afterlife self… His soul weeps into a void that seems to have no end…
Brett Kavanaugh is dreaming in the middle of his night. Lindsey Graham is sitting with him in his library as their dreams have overlapped. They are talking about their bravado success in the Senate confirmation… when John McCain sits down opposite them. They don’t notice McCain. Then Lindsey looks up for a second before he quickly turns back to Kavanaugh, pretending he sees no one sitting across from him.
McCain continues to stare directly into Graham’s face and addresses him:
You were my friend, Lindsey. Why are you avoiding me?
Graham turns slowly around to McCain:
Oh hi, John. It’s great to see you here. I’ve missed you.
It doesn’t appear that way, Lindsey. I saw how you acted in Kavanaugh’s Senate hearing. I am appalled.
How could you have acted that way? You hid that side from me. I knew you had some unappealing southern chauvinistic male habits, but I would have never expected you to go this far. People will not forget this, Lindsey. I can see into probable futures for you because I’ve moved beyond your seemingly linear life. Your futures are happening now… and you are not headed into a pretty one.
How am I even talking to you? You are dead.
Because you are in your dream state and your unconscious allows this. When someone dies, they don’t cease to exist. You’re the religious one. You should know this. But religion doesn’t really prepare you for this, does it?
I acted in the way I thought would help Brett get elected. I didn’t care as long as we could get a man into that supreme court position. We couldn’t take a chance that the Democrats would take over the House and maybe even the Senate. I don’t really care what kind of man he is. We won. So I’m not going to apologize for how I acted.
I made a lot of mistakes in my life. We all do as humans. But I healed before I left. I found myself in ways that I could have never discovered if I had not been so ill. My illness stopped me so I could pause and look deeper into who I am… into life itself… including the Congress and how we were operating. I grieved… felt remorse… and I forgave myself… It is a profound process. I would have preferred a different way for this healing, but this is the way it is happening. I have always been a man of character and integrity. No one is perfect, and I fell short at times …. but I had a triumphant life.
Lindsey, I know we liked one another and were close friends in certain ways, but you have betrayed what we stood for… You have betrayed our friendship and I think you know that.
You are gone, John. This is just my guilt talking.
Well, if you want to believe that, you might ask yourself what your guilt may be hiding, that you don’t want to see.
Graham turns back to Kavanaugh:
Do you see John McCain sitting there?
No, what are you talking about?
Good. I thought it was just my imagination. Women think imagination has some kind of meaning in their lives. That just shows how foolish they are.
Women are weak. We have to keep an eye on them. We need to keep them in check so they don’t get the idea they are our equals. I feel sorry for that Christine woman. She actually thought people would listen to her more than me, a judge and a white powerful rich man. Oh, come on. How stupid can they get?
Graham got quiet and then asked:
Did you do that to her?
Don’t even ask. You would just have nightmares. And why put yourself through that for a woman.
Einstein is inside the lifetime of an 8-year-old girl. He watches her run out of her family’s temporary apartment into an open play area. An old man calls her over to come to see his house and give her a cookie. When she walks in, she sees his wife, rocking in her rocking chair… not saying anything at all.
After her cookie, somehow he has her lying on the floor as his wife, continues rocking back and forth, back and forth, like the tic-toc of a clock. He puts his hand under her pants. She freezes… looks ahead… becomes numb… She tries to take her soul somewhere else… She can’t do that, but her imagination helps her go away. And that is what she does.
After he finishes, she walks outside where her friends are playing in the playhouse. They all run up to her to play. She picks up a switch and tells them all that they need a spanking. She spanks them all…
When she returns home she tells her mother what that man had done. Not another word was ever said about it.
Einstein is feeling nauseous as he tries to move away.
The Old Crone appears to Einstein:
I guided you to this experience so you could better understand what happens in the life of a significant percentage of little girls. There are much worse accounts…
The masculine in most men and women is either in denial or it has become competitive and arrogant… using hubris to cope.
The Old One Crone looks out into the Cosmos:
Men and women, you need to wake up. The true feminine in your human world… is at risk of being forgotten. And if this happens, men will die of impotence. They are closer than they know.
Einstein feels himself being catapulted into another scene. He is watching a 10-year-old girl who is walking next door to play with her friends. Their father is walking everyone around the house on his shoulders. She thinks it looks like great fun and joins in…
When it is her time, she jumps up. She is on top of the world… He walks her around to the backyard when she feels his finger go into her pants and then into her. Back and forth. This continues as they traverse the backyard on to the side yard, almost to the front yard, when he removes his finger. She gets off his shoulders in the front yard. It’s all blurry to her. Life is blurry. Then she remembers that time when he had his legs spread and his penis was showing in the front yard. She had felt sorry for him because she figured he could not have known. She told her parents about what happened this day. She didn’t play over there anymore. Her parents said nothing.
Einstein finds himself with The Old One Crone and turns to Her:
I want to protect innocence. I want to wrap my heart around the essence of all who are vulnerable. I want to protect and guide the feminine so that the degenerate in life can not hurt her again.
Old One Crone:
Yes, human life needs the masculine of women and of men… to protect innocence… to stand up for those who are vulnerable… who are at the mercy of bullies… to stand up and stand with… the feminine. When this happens, the feminine will stand with ‘him’ and he can begin to heal…
Together as One… the healing, embraced by love… can begin…
Sweet dreams, let them flow…
carried on the wind.
Let them go.
Dream and let them go,
To become seeds
Sowed in winds of change.
New dreams, let them outflow…
into beauty’s breeze
Let them go.
Dream and let them go,
To Futures Unknown
Casting Numinous Hope…
copyright © 2013-2018, Lyn Marsh, Ph.D. all rights reserved. You may not reproduce materials without permission from Lyn Marsh, Ph.D.